Time to Pretend

I'm tired of pretending to be something that I'm not: happy. I wish I could be happy but no matter what I do something brings me down. I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad and that I should just pretend to be happy because it's what everyone wants. It's not that I want to be sad in fact all I want to be is happy. I want to be happy and I want to be excited for my future. I don't think anybody understands the decisions I have to make and how hard they are, I wish I could change how I feel. I guess I'll just go on pretending that I'm happy.